Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Rainbow Prince is fabulous!

Ah, childhood memories...my best source for inspiration! When I was a wee one, one of the things I enjoyed the most was pretending I was a super powered royal from a far away galaxy. I called myself the Rainbow Princess. I had many different abilities, each relating to the individual colors of the rainbow. Now, this princess was not an only child. Nope, sir, she had a brother! The Rainbow Prince. I don't honestly think much more has to be said for you to understand why I decided to poke harmless fun at this particular figment of my past imagination, so without further introduction, I give you...


July 17th, 2029

Ugh, I hate this day with every fiber of my perfectly stunning being! My loving father seems to think it's that time in my life to take the next step and marry some dumb bimbo. Apparently, he's getting at that age where he could start farting chemical gasses at anytime or whatever. Gross, like I have time to care for another person, I mean really! I can barely keep up with maintaining my own natural flawlessness, let alone take my gaze away from the mirror long enough to pay any sort of attention to some needy tramp before my public begs me to stand in their presence. And then there's sir Oinks-a lot, daddy's favorite go-to, get the job done-doer. He's nothing but a glorified court jester, but he's much too simple to see it - or anything past his massive gut, really.

"we've picked out the most beautiful women from all over space for you to choose from!"

What a fool, I guess he really can't see anything past his jello belly, and before I was simply exaggerating out of sheer annoyance towards the pathetic man. I mean, puh-lease! That one girl's hair...talk about frizz city! And another one, I swear she had more muffin tops than a charity bake sale! Anyone of those attention hungry broads would too easily be out shined by my breathtaking glow and shimmer. And there he goes again, barking like the sad, pathetic sideshow freak he is,

"what about Lady Supernova!? She's the most desired woman in all the galaxies!"

Um, yeah, I got a good look at Lady Super-saver alright, in her thrift store bargain get-up! Now, I don't have a lot of "bros" or whatever those middle class hobos call it - in fact, I don't have a lot of "homies" in general. That's the price I pay for being so royally fabulous. I find my life much easier without them. No distraction or priorities other than what's really important - me. However, if I did hang around a lot of other guys, I'd be surprised if any of them found this piece of trash who mistakenly compares herself to a supernova, as anything but utterly tacky. Father is always breathing down my neck,

"save all the glitz and glam for your sister!"

As if she deserves all the fun and I should do nothing more than sulk in my thrown all day, pouring all of my gold and silver over to my wife who gets to go out and spend it all on making herself up to look even half as tantalizing as I do now. What about me?! Why must I be the one he thinks deserves to suffer a life deprived of pricey fabrics and blinding jewels?!

Ugh, I hate this day!

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